Let Me Tell You Something Nobody Wants to Hear: I Don’t Work for You

I need to have a conversation that’s going to disappoint some people. Maybe frustrate others. But I’d rather shoot straight with you than let you operate under assumptions that’ll waste your time.

Had a call last week with someone who reached out on LinkedIn. Impressive background, great experience, clearly talented. About ten minutes in, they said something that stopped me: “So when can you start shopping my resume around?”

I took a breath, the kind you take when you’re about to say something true that nobody wants to hear.

“I appreciate the trust,” I told them, “but I need to be straight with you. I’m not your agent. I don’t work for you. I work for my clients.”

Long pause. You could hear the disappointment through the phone.

This conversation happens more often than I’d like, and every time it does, I realize there’s a fundamental misunderstanding about what recruiters actually do and who we actually work for. So let me clear this up, not because I enjoy delivering hard truths, but because operating on false expectations doesn’t serve anyone.

The Reality of How This Works

Here’s the deal, laid out plain:

Companies hire me to find specific people for specific roles. They pay me. They’re my clients. My job is to find them the best possible person for what they need, not to find everyone I meet the best possible job.

I know that sounds cold when you’re looking for work. I know it feels personal when you reach out and I can’t help. But understanding this dynamic is actually the first step to working with recruiters effectively instead of getting frustrated by them.

Think of it this way: I’m not a talent agent like actors have. I’m more like a specialized contractor that companies hire for specific projects. When I’m working on finding a VP of Engineering for a fintech company, I’m laser-focused on that search. I’m not simultaneously trying to place everyone who’s ever sent me their resume.

Why This Matters for You

When you understand who’s actually paying me, everything else makes sense.

It explains why I might not respond to your LinkedIn message right away, or at all. Not because you’re not talented or worthy, but because I’m working on searches that don’t match your background right now.

It explains why I can’t “just send your resume to some companies and see what happens.” That’s not how this works. I present candidates to clients for specific roles based on specific criteria. I’m not carpet-bombing companies with resumes hoping something sticks.

It explains why I ask such specific questions when we do talk. I’m not making small talk. I’m trying to understand if you might fit searches I’m working on now or might work on soon. If you don’t, that doesn’t mean you’re not good. It means you’re not what my client needs for this particular role at this particular moment.

It explains why I might not have “career advice” for you beyond our conversation. I’m not a career coach. I’m not a resume writer. I’m not a job search strategist. Those are all valuable services, but they’re not what I do.

The Hard Truth About Fit

Here’s what happens on my end that you never see:

A company engages me to find their next VP of Engineering. They need someone who’s scaled engineering teams from 30 to 200+. Someone who’s worked in healthcare tech because the regulatory complexity matters. Someone who can partner with a founder CEO who’s brilliant but intense. Someone who’s done the startup-to-scale journey at least once before. They’re offering strong equity but below-market cash because they’re pre-Series C.

That’s incredibly specific. That’s not 5% of the VPs of Engineering in the market. That’s maybe 20 people who fit that profile, and half of them aren’t open to new opportunities right now.

So when a talented VP of Engineering with consumer tech experience who’s looking for a cash bump reaches out to me, I’m not being difficult when I can’t help them. They’re great. They’re just not what this client needs. And I don’t have another VP of Engineering search running that fits their profile.

This is the reality of specialized executive recruiting. I’m not posting jobs on boards hoping for hundreds of applications. I’m conducting targeted searches for very specific profiles. Most people, even talented people, won’t fit what I’m looking for at any given moment.

What I Wish People Understood

I got into this business because I genuinely believe in connecting great people with great opportunities. I love when I can help someone find the role that transforms their career. I stay in touch with people for years, sometimes decades, because relationships matter more to me than transactions.

But I can only present you for roles you actually fit. And I can only work roles that clients have hired me to fill.

This doesn’t mean I don’t care about your career. It means I care enough to be honest about what I can and can’t do for you rather than leading you on or giving you false hope.

When we talk and you’re not a fit for what I’m working on, I’m not dismissing you. I’m being real about the current situation. Maybe in six months I’ll have a search that’s perfect for you. Maybe I’ll hear about something through my network and make an introduction. Maybe we’ll stay in touch and three years from now I’ll call you about the opportunity of a lifetime.

But right now, in this moment, if you don’t fit what my clients are looking for, the most respectful thing I can do is tell you that clearly instead of stringing you along.

The Difference Between Can’t Help and Won’t Help

Here’s something important: just because I can’t present you for a current search doesn’t mean I won’t help you at all.

I’ll tell you what I’m seeing in the market. I’ll give you honest feedback on how you’re positioning yourself. I’ll make introductions when it makes sense. I’ll remember your story and your goals so if something comes up that fits, you’re on my mind.

But I won’t pretend I can do something I can’t. I won’t tell you I’ll “see what I can find” when I know I’m not actively searching for your profile. I won’t take your resume and promise to “shop it around” because that’s not how this works and it’s not what serves you.

The recruiters who promise they’ll “do their best to find you something”? Some of them mean well. But often they’re managing expectations poorly, setting you up for disappointment when weeks pass and you hear nothing.

I’d rather be straight with you upfront: “You’re great, but you don’t fit what I’m working on right now. Let’s stay in touch, and if something changes, I’ll reach out.”

That’s not the answer you want. But it’s the answer that respects your time and lets you focus your energy where it’ll actually pay off.

How to Actually Work with Recruiters

Since we’re talking straight, let me tell you how to think about recruiters in your job search:

We’re not your primary strategy. We’re one tool in your toolkit, not your whole toolbox. Network, work with multiple recruiters, build your brand. Don’t wait for recruiters to find you.

Understand we’re reactive to specific searches. When we reach out, it’s because you fit something specific we’re working on right now. When we don’t reach out, it’s not personal. It’s because we’re not working on something that matches your background.

Make it easy for us to help you. When I reach out about a role, respond quickly. Be clear about what you’re looking for and what you’re not. Tell me your real compensation expectations, not what you think I want to hear. The easier you make it for me to understand if you’re a fit, the better I can serve you if you are, and the faster I can be honest if you’re not.

Build real relationships, not transactional ones. The candidates I remember and come back to years later? They’re the ones who were gracious when I couldn’t help them, who kept me updated on their career journey, who made introductions for me when they could. Relationships are a long game.

Don’t take it personally when we can’t help. I promise you, when I say you’re not a fit for what I’m working on, it’s not a judgment about your worth or your talent. It’s a statement about match between what you offer and what my client needs right now. Those are different things.

The Exception: When I Can Actually Help

Here’s when working with a recruiter like me actually makes sense for you:

You’re in technology with a track record of impact, and you’re open to the right opportunity. You might not be actively looking, but you’d move for something exceptional. You’re the type of person who doesn’t need to apply to jobs because opportunities come to you.

That’s who I’m typically searching for. That’s who my clients hire me to find. If that’s you, then yes, staying on my radar makes sense. We should talk. We should stay in touch. I should know your story well enough that when the right thing comes along, you’re the first call I make.

Why I’m Telling You This

You might wonder why I’m writing something that basically says “I can’t help most people who reach out to me.” Doesn’t seem like great marketing, does it?

Here’s why: because operating on false expectations wastes everyone’s time and builds resentment.

When you think I’m your agent and I’m not, you get frustrated when I don’t call you back. When you think I should be shopping your resume around and that’s not what I do, you feel dismissed when I can’t help. When you expect me to be something I’m not, we’re both set up for disappointment.

But when you understand the actual relationship, when you know I work for clients finding specific people for specific roles, when you get that I want to help but can only help when there’s real fit, then we can interact honestly.

Maybe I can’t help you today. But maybe I can tomorrow, or next year, or three years from now. And when that moment comes, we’ll both be glad we built a relationship on truth instead of false expectations.

The Cowboy Code in Recruiting

You know what cowboys understood that gets lost in modern business? That your reputation is everything. That your word matters more than any single deal. That treating people straight, even when the truth’s uncomfortable, builds the kind of trust that lasts.

I could tell everyone who reaches out that I’ll “do my best” for them. String them along. Keep them hopeful. Maybe that would make me more popular in the short term.

But it would be dishonest. And dishonesty violates everything I believe about how to move through the world.

So instead, I tell you the truth: I work for companies. I find people for specific roles. I can’t help everyone, even when I want to. But when I can help you, you’ll know it because I’ll show up fully, advocate fiercely, and do everything in my power to make it work.

That’s the deal. It’s not the deal you hoped for when you clicked on this post. But it’s an honest deal, and honest deals are the only kind that build anything lasting.

Moving Forward

If you’re reading this and you’re job searching, I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear. I know you hoped recruiters could be your secret weapon, your inside track, your agent working on your behalf.

And I’m sorry that’s not how it works. I genuinely am.

But here’s what I can offer instead: clarity. Understanding how recruiters actually operate means you can work with us effectively when the fit’s there and not waste time when it’s not. You can build the relationships that might pay off later while focusing your primary energy on strategies that’ll pay off now.

When I can help you, I will. Fully, fiercely, with everything I’ve got. When I can’t, I’ll tell you straight so you can focus elsewhere. That’s not me being cold. That’s me respecting you enough to shoot straight.

Because at the end of the day, that’s the cowboy code: treat people with respect, tell them the truth, and build relationships that outlast any single transaction.

Even when the truth is something nobody wants to hear.