The Golden Rule Gets a Makeover: Why Being Nice Isn’t Dead (Yet)

Look, I get it. Being genuinely nice feels about as trendy right now as cargo shorts at a Milan fashion show. We’re living in the age of hot takes, clap-backs, and everyone trying to out-savage each other on social media like it’s some twisted Olympic sport. But here’s the thing that’s been rattling around in my head lately: maybe we’ve been doing the whole Golden Rule thing backwards.

You know the classic version – “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Sounds solid, right? Your kindergarten teacher probably had it plastered on a rainbow poster somewhere. But here’s where it gets interesting, and where I think we’ve been missing the mark entirely.

The Plot Twist Nobody Saw Coming

What if – and stick with me here – what if the real magic happens when we flip it to: “Treat others how THEY want to be treated”?

Mind. Blown. Right? A good friend of mine pointed this out to me and it really made me go hmmmm

Because here’s the reality check we all need: not everyone wants to be treated the same way you do. Shocking, I know. Your idea of kindness might be my idea of overwhelming chaos. Your version of helpful might be my personal nightmare.

Take my son Nick, for instance. Guy’s an introvert’s introvert. You know those people who throw surprise parties? Nick would rather stick his hand in a blender than walk into one. But his extroverted friends kept “treating him how they wanted to be treated” – dragging him to loud bars, surprise gatherings, the whole nine yards. They thought they were being nice. Nick thought they were being torturous. There is a reason why I call him The Ghost!!

Then one day, someone actually asked Nick what he needed. Turns out, his version of love and care looked like quiet coffee chats, advance notice for literally everything, and the sacred right to leave early without explanation. Revolutionary stuff, right?

The Empathy Emergency We’re All Ignoring

Here’s what’s really grinding my gears: empathy has become this buzzword that people throw around like confetti at a New Year’s party, but nobody’s actually doing the work. Real empathy isn’t about projecting your feelings onto someone else. It’s about getting curious enough to figure out what’s actually going on in their world.

And that takes effort. It takes actually listening instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. It means asking questions that might make you slightly uncomfortable. It means admitting that maybe, just maybe, you don’t know everything about what someone else needs.

The Death of Nice (And Why It’s Killing Us)

When did being genuinely nice become so… uncool? When did showing up with actual compassion start feeling like social suicide? Somewhere along the way, we decided that being sharp, sarcastic, and slightly mean was more authentic than being kind. We confused cynicism with intelligence and warmth with weakness.

But here’s the thing that’ll really bake your noodle: the people who are genuinely nice – not the fake, plastic, “have a blessed day” nice, but the real deal – they’re the ones changing the world. They’re the ones people remember. They’re the ones who make you feel like you matter.

Getting Personal in an Impersonal World

You want to know what’s really revolutionary in 2025? Actually seeing people as individuals instead of avatars. Taking the time to notice that Sarah from accounting always seems stressed on Mondays, so maybe Monday morning isn’t the best time to dump extra work on her plate. Realizing that your neighbor who seems antisocial might just be dealing with anxiety, and your loud “friendly” greetings might be making it worse.

It’s about getting specific with your kindness instead of using the spray-and-pray method.

The How-To Guide for Human Decency

So how do we actually do this? How do we treat people the way THEY want to be treated when we’re all walking around with our own baggage and assumptions?

Step one: Get curious instead of making assumptions. Instead of thinking “I would want someone to cheer me up if I seemed sad,” try asking “You seem like you’re having a rough day – what would be helpful right now?”

Step two: Pay attention to the feedback you’re getting. If someone seems uncomfortable with your brand of friendliness, don’t double down. Adjust. Some people need space to process. Others need to talk it out. Some want solutions, others just want to be heard.

Step three: Stop making everything about you. This one’s hard because we’re all the main character in our own story. But genuine care means stepping out of your own experience long enough to see what someone else actually needs.

The Rebellion We Actually Need

Here’s my challenge for you: Be the person who brings back genuine, thoughtful kindness. Not the performative kind that’s all about how it makes you look, but the real deal that’s about making someone else’s day a little easier.

Be the person who notices when someone’s struggling and asks what they need instead of just assuming you know. Be the person who remembers that your coworker hates being put on the spot, so you give them a heads up before the meeting. Be the person who realizes that your friend who’s going through a divorce might need practical help more than another pep talk.

In a world full of people trying to be the smartest, the funniest, the most successful, be the one who’s genuinely kind. Trust me, it’s rarer than you think, and way more powerful than any clever comeback or viral moment.

Because at the end of the day, nobody’s going to remember your perfectly crafted tweet or your savage group chat response. But they’ll remember how you made them feel. They’ll remember that you cared enough to pay attention to what they actually needed instead of just giving them what was easy for you to give.

And maybe, just maybe, if enough of us start treating people the way they want to be treated instead of the way we want to be treated, we can start fixing this whole mess we’ve made of human connection.

Now that’s a revolution I can get behind.

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What do you think? Are you ready to join the nice rebellion, or are you still convinced that kindness is for suckers? Let me know – I’m curious about how you want to be treated in the comments.